by Mark Day
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29 October 2025
As a tutor working with a range children, I see it happen all the time. A child gets a maths question wrong, and immediately their face falls. They either hurriedly cross out their work furiously, scrunch up the paper, or worst of all – they say those three words that make my heart sink: "I'm so stupid." But here's what I want every child (and parent!) to understand: mistakes aren't the enemy of learning – they're the very foundation of it. The Rubber Mentality Think about it. Every pencil case in every classroom across the UK contains a rubber. Not as a backup plan, but as an essential tool. We expect children to make mistakes. We plan for them. Yet somehow, we've created a culture where getting something wrong feels like failure rather than progress. The truth is, our brains learn far more from getting something wrong than getting it right first time. When we make a mistake, our brain sits up and pays attention. It creates stronger neural pathways as it works to understand what went wrong and how to fix it. Scientists call this "productive failure" – and it's one of the most powerful learning tools we have. Real Learning Looks Messy I often tell my students: if your page looks perfect, you probably haven't challenged yourself enough today. Real learning is messy. It's filled with crossings out, second attempts, and "wait, let me try that again." It's the child who confidently declares 7 x 8 = 54, realizes it doesn't feel quite right, works it through again, and discovers it's actually 56. That moment of correction? That's when the real learning happens. In our tutoring sessions, we embrace mistakes. When a child gets something wrong, we don't move on quickly or pretend it didn't happen. We lean into it. We explore it together: "That's interesting – what made you think that?" "Can you show me how you worked that out?" "Brilliant! You've found something we need to understand better." The Growth Mindset Difference Children who are praised for being "clever" or "smart" often become afraid of making mistakes. After all, if you're supposed to be clever, getting things wrong feels like proof you're not. This is what psychologist Carol Dweck calls a "fixed mindset" – the belief that our abilities are set in stone. But children who develop a "growth mindset" understand that their abilities can improve with effort and practice. They see mistakes not as evidence of failure, but as stepping stones to success. And the difference in their learning journey is remarkable. When I work with a new student, one of my early goals is helping them shift from "I can't do this" to "I can't do this yet." That one small word – yet – changes everything. What This Looks Like in Practice Here are some of the ways I help children embrace mistakes in their learning: Mistake of the Week: We look at a common mistake together and unpick why it happens. This normalizes errors and helps children realize everyone makes them – even their tutor! Show Your Working: I always encourage children to show their working out, even if they get the final answer wrong. This helps them (and me) see exactly where their thinking went astray, making it much easier to correct. The "What If" Game: When a child makes a mistake, we play "what if" – what if this answer was right, what would the question need to be? This helps them understand the logic behind their error. Celebrate Effort Over Outcome: I make a point of praising the process, not just the result. "I love how you tried three different strategies there" matters more than "Well done for getting it right." A Message for Parents If you're a parent reading this, here's my advice: resist the urge to jump in and correct every mistake your child makes. When they bring home homework covered in corrections from school, don't focus on what they got wrong. Instead, ask: "What did you learn today?" "What was tricky?" "What mistakes helped you understand something better?" And perhaps most importantly, share your own mistakes. Let them see you get things wrong and figure them out. Model the behaviour you want them to develop. The Long Game The children I work with aren't just learning maths, English, and reasoning skills. They're learning how to learn. They're developing resilience, problem-solving abilities, and the confidence to tackle challenges head-on. The child who can look at a page of 'red pen' corrections and say "Great! Now I know what to work on" is developing a skill that will serve them far beyond their exams. They're learning that difficulty isn't a dead end – it's a signpost showing them where to focus their effort. Moving Forward So the next time your child makes a mistake – whether in tutoring, at school, or at home – pause before you correct it. Ask them what they think. Give them space to figure it out. Let them experience that wonderful "aha!" moment when the penny drops. Because here's the beautiful truth: every mistake is simply an opportunity we haven't unwrapped yet. And that's not just good teaching – that's good life advice. Looking for tutoring support that focuses on building confidence as well as capability? I work with KS2 children, helping them develop the skills and mindset they need to thrive. Get in touch to find out more.
